2011-12-27

The Procrastination Paradox

The Procrastination Paradox

Transcript

Image: a fifties-style horror comic cover (title: Tales of Torpor).

In the foreground, a silhouetted man in a fedora looks at a piece of paper in his hand with the words, “To Do Today: 1. Procrastinate” and says, “Well, I can put this off ’til tomorrow – wait – I – I -”

An evil sorcerer gestures and says, “Ha ha ha! I have trapped you in – The Procrastination Paradox!”

Whoa, color! I made this for a Christmas gift shirt.

2011-12-07

Stars & Skulls Craft Fair 12/11

Logo - Stars & Skulls Crafty Craft Fair: A Craft Fair For Freaks & Geeks

Visit me at the Trees & Hills table at the 6th annual Stars & Skulls Crafty Craft Fair! Organized by Pioneer Valley Roller Derby co-founders Pink Panzer & Bazooka Joe, Stars & Skulls is the Valley’s original DIY alternative craft fair. It’s also my fourth weekend in a row tabling at art & craft fairs!

The fair will features dozens of tables of locally made jewelry, clothing, knick-knacks, housewares, tasty treats, comics and much more! PVRD will also have a merch/info table.

The fair is from 10 am to 4 pm at the American Legion Hall at 162 Russell St. (AKA Route 9) in Hadley, MA.

As always, admission and parking are free.

2011-12-06

Well

Well

Transcript

Setting: Headville – a land where everyone is a head on little legs.

A Headville woman with black hair walks through the park to an old-fashioned well, climbs into it, and lowers herself in the bucket. Eventually she reaches a cavern with a tunnel or alcove in one side. She enters it, finding a glass of water on a bump of rock. She grips the rim with her lips, flips it back to drink it, sets it back down, and exits the alcove, looking satisfied. She gets back in the bucket and ascends.

2011-11-28

Noodle Wrestling Mayhem

Noodle Wrestling Mayhem

Transcript

Announcer: “Sunday! Sunday!! Sunday!!! Pasta Grappling Association presents NOODLE WRESTLING MAYHEM”

“Elbow Drop!” A macaroni elbow does an elbow drop on a prone ziti.
“Shellshock!” A pasta shell does a Swinging Reverse STO on a fettuccine.
“Butterfly Suplex!” A bowtie – aka butterfly – pasta does a butterfly suplex on a spiral pasta.

“Be there – for gnocchi-down drag out action!” A ravioli wearing a wrestling belt yells into a microphone while behind him two spaghetti drag an unconscious gnocchi from the ring.

This strip took more research than you might expect! Selected sources:

This comic is part of the Comics Rehab Ripoff, in which I and some cohorts post at least 4 panels every 4 days to encourage our comics groove. Follow along to possibly see some of my comics before they appear here, or better still to see the good things my companions are posting. Want to join in? Drop us a line with your email address or email me at colin@colintedford.com!

2011-11-02

Halloween

Halloween was quiet but good. I gave out 30 comics to trick-or-treaters. Some of the kids asked, “What’s this?”. When I told the last one, “Comics,” she said, “Nice!“

2011-10-17

Folk Gospel Pearls p.1 of 2

Folk Gospel Pearls page 1

Transcript

I enjoy old-timey American folk music, but not so much the old-timey American Christianity in some of it. Singing along to folk gospel just feels wrong to me – which is too bad, ’cause it has some great tunes! Utah Phillips said, “The Wobblies [the Workers of the World union] liked to steal the hymn tunes – ’cause they were pretty – and change the words so they made more sense.” (e.g. “What A Friend We Have In Jesus” became “Dump The Bosses Off Your Back”) For now i just draw these irreverent doodles, like an oyster making pearls in reaction to sand grit…

From THE CHERRY TREE CAROL, a song that migrated from England to the Appalachians: “Then Mary spoke to Joseph / So meek and so mild / ‘Joseph, gather me some cherries / For I am with child”

In the comic, Mary says, “Joseph! Gather cherries, for I am with child!”
Joseph, startled, says, “What?! But we haven’t even – ”
“CHERRIES! NOW!” Joseph runs away.

Later, Mary shoves cherries from a bowl into her cherry-stained face while Joseph slouches exhausted. “Mm, thank you. Mlorf.” After eating all the cherries, she says, “Ah – Urp,” then suddenly vomits all over a horrified Joseph. (“BLARF!”)

Josephs stomps away. “I’m OUT of here.”
“What? No!”

(The actual story in the song, it turns out, is Joseph refuses because he thinks Mary’s cheated on him, so fetal Jesus commands a cherry tree to bend down and give Mary some fruit!)

Here is the first of two pages I made for the alphabet-structured Hot Tea, Cold Water #3, marking the first time in a couple of years that I’ve submitted to an anthology I wasn’t co-editing. The second page, as you might expect, has more doodles from different songs.

2011-10-13

The Boy in the Cemetary p.2

The Boy in the Cemetery page 2

Transcript

The boy approached the crypt and reached for the door handle.

“wh-what are you doing?” Billy said.

The boy opened the door a little and leaned his head around it. “Hey Dad, I brought someone over…” he said.

“Excellent…” came a voice from within, as Billy stammered in fear. The door opened fully, and a skeleton with glowing eyes said, “He looks — DELICIOUS.”

Billy froze for a moment, then ran screaming in panic. “AAAAAAA!!!!”

“HA HA! Look at him go!” The skeleton laughed.

“DAD!”

The skeleton leaned against the doorway, still laughing. “He really thought I’d eat him! Hoo! The poor kid!”

“Ugh!” said the ghost boy, stomping into the crypt. “I never get to have any friends!”

Little Zero 3 - The Boy in the Cemetery cover

Get copies of “The Boy in the Cemetery” formatted as a minicomic to give to trick-or-treaters, Halloween party-goers, goblins, etc.!

Assembling the comic is pretty easy! Print the PDF double-sided at 100% (no scaling; don’t let the program “adjust to printer margins” or anything like that). Each copy of the file produces 4 copies of the comic; when you cut them apart, the pages will be in the right order for you to staple & fold. If using scissors instead of a papercutter, you may want to cut after folding. Staple in the center & fold. If you’re using a standard stapler, you may want to fold the comic before stapling or use a ruler to help find the center (at 2 3/4″). If using a long stapler, the measurement marks probably don’t go down to 2 3/4″, so line up a ruler with the one on the stapler to get the added measurement.

Check out my other Halloween comics, too!

2011-10-10

The Boy in the Cemetery p.1

The Boy in the Cemetery page 1

Transcript

It was a cold night with the moon hiding behind clouds. Billy walked down the sidewalk past the cemetery carrying his plastic pumpkin bucket of candy. He wore a black cape & hood and a mask push up on his head. He saw someone slouching near the cemetery gate – a boy his own age, wearing a ghost costume with his head uncovered.

“Are – are you okay?” he asked the boy, who didn’t seem very happy.

“Oh…” the boy replied, “I just don’t have any friends…”

“Well…maybe I could be your friend?” Billy suggested.

“That’d be swell! Would you walk to my house with me?”

“Sure!”

“Great! C’mon!” the boy headed into the cemetery.

“Uh-” Billy said. “Wh-why are we going through the cemetery?” He was looking around so nervously that he didn’t notice how transparent the boy looked now that the moon had come out from behind the clouds.

“It’s the shortest way,” the boy said.

“Are you sure there isn’t a better way?” Bill asked as the path wound near a crypt.

“We have to go this way.”

Little Zero 3 - The Boy in the Cemetery coverGet copies of “The Boy in the Cemetery” formatted as a minicomic to give to trick-or-treaters, Halloween party-goers, goblins, etc.!

Assembling the comic is pretty easy! Print the PDF double-sided at 100% (no scaling; don’t let the program “adjust to printer margins” or anything like that). Each copy of the file produces 4 copies of the comic; when you cut them apart, the pages will be in the right order for you to staple & fold. If using scissors instead of a papercutter, you may want to cut after folding. Staple in the center & fold. If you’re using a standard stapler, you may want to fold the comic before stapling or use a ruler to help find the center (at 2 3/4″). If using a long stapler, the measurement marks probably don’t go down to 2 3/4″, so line up a ruler with the one on the stapler to get the added measurement.

Check out my other Halloween comics, too!

2011-10-06

Here in the Forest p.1 (of 3)

Here in the Forest page 1

Transcript

According to an old saying, the first Europeans in America saw forests so vast that a squirrel could go from Maine to Texas without ever leaving the treetops. (A squirrel leaps from branch to branch)

They changed *that* in a hurry (The squirrel unexpectedly leaps from a branch into a recently clearcut area. An ax-wielding settler strikes a dramatic pose, crying, “Onward! For Farmland and Firewood!)

By the mid-1800s as much as 70% of the land was cleared – but with the decline of farming, much of New England’s forest returned by the late 1900s (and has started to recede again under development pressure). (An old stone wall runs through a forest)

So what’s happening in the woods these days? Hiking, skiing, sightseeing, and similar recreational activities… (A person walks along a forest road)

…and some less-similar recreational activities. (A person on a four-wheeler roars past the walker – BRAAW)

Wood is still useful, so we still log – too often still in destructive ways. (A skidder – a large motorized logging machine – sits in a clearcut area)

WOODS anthology coverHere is the first of my three pages from the latest Trees & Hills anthology Woods.